But anyways. Dating is basically the worst. I was only married for a few years. And I dated my now-ex husband for approximately a year before we got married. So I haven't been out of the dating scene for that long...or so I had convinced myself. However, it may as well be a million years. Dating is so different now! In NJ, when I went on a date with a guy, he basically was my boyfriend. That's probably because I only dated guys I had known for awhile. But I didn't have to guess if I liked him or he liked me. There wasn't game playing or awkward moments. I didn't feel guarded or needy. And perhaps I am just romanticizing or misremembering things. But dating just didn't really seem that complicated.
Now, fast forward a few years, dating seems ridiculous. You don't necessarily meet people in person anymore to get to know them. You swipe their picture and read a profile. You stalk them on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook. You text endlessly about a million different things. And then after days, weeks, etc. of this, you finally meet up to see if that online chemistry is actually sustainable in person. And if the date goes well, great. You continue the weird social dynamic of talking through a screen until you meet up in person again. And you continue swiping left and right to roam for more potential matches. And you know they do, as well.
And this pattern seriously screws with my head. If I like somebody, I don't want to text them. I don't want to wait for them to text me or message me on Tinder or Facebook or wherever. I don't want to wonder if they like me because they haven't responded to a text. Or if I am being needy because I texted them two days in a row first. I don't want to check to see if they are on their online profile and wonder if they've found a match more stimulating than I am. This has gotten out of hand!!
What happened to old-fashioned dating? Why, in an attempt to streamline and make the process easier, have we over-complicated it?
My sister doesn't waste time dating guys she can't see herself marrying. I find this an incredibly brave choice. Because I realize that dating either ends happily or in heartbreak. And if you can't see yourself marrying the guy, heartbreak is inevitable. So dating only guys that are marriage material seems wise. And I used to feel this exact way. I remember telling my ex that if he didn't see himself marrying me within the year, I wasn't going to waste my time. And I think it has a lot to do with where you are in your life and what experiences have led you to feel that way. Right now, marriage is not something I am really looking for at this point. I've been there. Marriage was not the best. And I definitely know it's not that way for everybody. But currently, I want to enjoy dating without all the pressure to have it get somewhere.
Except, I'm old now. And the guys I'm dating are older than I am. So there is this unspoken expiration. And I've only recently begun dating again, but the urgency is overwhelming. And thanks to social media, I've spent an incredible amount of time getting to superficially know men and form bonds with them, only to realize that we may not click in person. Which seems like an even bigger waste of time!
Chemistry seems to be the determining factor in all this. And I have found that I can find somebody physically appealing, but lacking stimulation mentally and emotionally . And we either click from the beginning or not at all. And this is a new concept to me. Because I've always been a long-haul type of girl, who gives the guys the benefit of the doubt and sticks it out until we click. And social media and online dating has turned me into a now-or-never girl.
So there are a lot of Catch-22s happening in my life right now. Hence the coffee and the haywire brain and my seriously overwhelming thoughts. Maybe if I just get out of my head and off my phone...My sister and I were talking this morning on our way home from dropping off my mom's car at the mechanic's. I think it is important to note here that we had visited Starbucks and I had consumed my first drops of coffee in 3 years. My mind was literally going haywire. And I was yelling a lot in the car, much to my sister's dismay. But...I digress. We were conversing about dating, a topic we continue to exhaust, as we have been having miniature therapy sessions about it for the past few weeks. Most of these sessions have involved donuts or French fries or frozen custard. (We apparently have our deepest thoughts when our stomachs are bursting from unhealthy food.)
But anyways. Dating is basically the worst. I was only married for a few years. And I dated my now-ex husband for approximately a year before we got married. So I haven't been out of the dating scene for that long...or so I had convinced myself. However, it may as well be a million years. Dating is so different now! In NJ, when I went on a date with a guy, he basically was my boyfriend. That's probably because I only dated guys I had known for awhile. But I didn't have to guess if I liked him or he liked me. There wasn't game playing or awkward moments. I didn't feel guarded or needy. And perhaps I am just romanticizing or misremembering things. But dating just didn't really seem that complicated.
Now, fast forward a few years, dating seems ridiculous. You don't necessarily meet people in person anymore to get to know them. You swipe their picture and read a profile. You stalk them on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook. You text endlessly about a million different things. And then after days, weeks, etc. of this, you finally meet up to see if that online chemistry is actually sustainable in person. And if the date goes well, great. You continue the weird social dynamic of talking through a screen until you meet up in person again. And you continue swiping left and right to roam for more potential matches. And you know they do, as well.
And this pattern seriously screws with my head. If I like somebody, I don't want to text them. I don't want to wait for them to text me or message me on Tinder or Facebook or wherever. I don't want to wonder if they like me because they haven't responded to a text. Or if I am being needy because I texted them two days in a row first. I don't want to check to see if they are on their online profile and wonder if they've found a match more stimulating than I am. This has gotten out of hand!!
What happened to old-fashioned dating? Why, in an attempt to streamline and make the process easier, have we over-complicated it?
My sister doesn't waste time dating guys she can't see herself marrying. I find this an incredibly brave choice. Because I realize that dating either ends happily or in heartbreak. And if you can't see yourself marrying the guy, heartbreak is inevitable. So dating only guys that are marriage material seems wise. And I used to feel this exact way. I remember telling my ex that if he didn't see himself marrying me within the year, I wasn't going to waste my time. And I think it has a lot to do with where you are in your life and what experiences have led you to feel that way. Right now, marriage is not something I am really looking for at this point. I've been there. Marriage was not the best. And I definitely know it's not that way for everybody. But currently, I want to enjoy dating without all the pressure to have it get somewhere.
Except, I'm old now. And the guys I'm dating are older than I am. So there is this unspoken expiration. And I've only recently begun dating again, but the urgency is overwhelming. And thanks to social media, I've spent an incredible amount of time getting to superficially know men and form bonds with them, only to realize that we may not click in person. Which seems like an even bigger waste of time!
Chemistry seems to be the determining factor in all this. And I have found that I can find somebody physically appealing, but lacking stimulation mentally and emotionally . And we either click from the beginning or not at all. And this is a new concept to me. Because I've always been a long-haul type of girl, who gives the guys the benefit of the doubt and sticks it out until we click. And social media and online dating has turned me into a now-or-never girl.
So there are a lot of Catch-22s happening in my life right now. Hence the coffee and the haywire brain and my seriously overwhelming thoughts. Maybe if I just get out of my head and off my phone...
