The more I get things together the more I feel like they may be falling apart.
"...about you telling me you love me, i dont know. i just dont know where im at right now. im trying to work hard, but i dont know what i want. going home scares me now. it feels like im trying to avoid everything. but not at the same time."
That could make me cry. But I haven't. I knew it was coming. What is ironic is that for the past 2 years I have shut myself off from everybody because I was afraid that if I got close enough to like somebody other than him, I would break his heart. And I don't break hearts. That just isn't me. And so in typical fashion, it all falls apart right before it should be going well.
Before I left Idaho I felt strongly that my testimony was going to be tried and tested once coming back to NJ and so I needed a stronger foundation. And so I worked really hard to get it together.
Is this why?
Is this the test?
If it is, do I pass?
And if this is passing, why do I feel like I just lost everything?
Monday, October 13, 2008
Monday, October 6, 2008
So so what
I'm still a rock star
I got my rock moves
And I don't need you
And guess what?
I'm having more fun
And now that we're done
I'm gonna show you tonight
I'm alright, I'm just fine.
I got my rock moves
And I don't need you
And guess what?
I'm having more fun
And now that we're done
I'm gonna show you tonight
I'm alright, I'm just fine.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Baby, just say yes.
It has been quite the adjustment moving home. Moreso than I think anybody realizes. Moreso than I ever thought it would be. But I know I am supposed to be here.
It is Preston's birthday today. I didn't send him anything. I hope he forgives me for that one. Things have been weird lately. Maybe it is just me. It might be. It actually probably is.
I have a really great job that I am doing really well at. And it has been a long time before I have LOVED waking up and going to work. The fact that I have been able to catch on so quickly and become so familiar and at ease there is such a blessing. And the fact that things are falling into place here despite some obstacles is such a blessing, too.
Truly, I think my life is just one miracle after another. I just need to stop worrying so much.
It is Preston's birthday today. I didn't send him anything. I hope he forgives me for that one. Things have been weird lately. Maybe it is just me. It might be. It actually probably is.
I have a really great job that I am doing really well at. And it has been a long time before I have LOVED waking up and going to work. The fact that I have been able to catch on so quickly and become so familiar and at ease there is such a blessing. And the fact that things are falling into place here despite some obstacles is such a blessing, too.
Truly, I think my life is just one miracle after another. I just need to stop worrying so much.
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