If life allowed me to paint it different colors, I would be able to more clearly express the difference between the person I was last week and the person I am as of Monday morning. It truly, in a non-cliche'd expression, be the difference between black and white. Or maybe more orignially like the difference between blue and yellow.
On more than one occasion I have been told that this blog is extremely vague. I've thought about that recently. So today I have decided to be as specific as somebody who enjoys being vague can be. That being said, don't get your hopes up too much.
Specifically, I am sitting on the ground in my bedroom typing on Tyler's computer. Last week I traded my laptop for a sweet cruiser bicycle that I will employ the use of frequently in Jersey. As I sit here my dog chews on a bottle of whiteout attempting to get the paper off. And I listen to Jimmy Eat World, my favorite band. I am contemplating the necessity with which I want to buy an iPod Touch. And why, while persuing Craig's List for said iPod, I came across a motorhome and had the distinct desire to buy it. Haha. Anyways.
I will depart from this state next Saturday, August 9th. Of course this is much later than I had ever expected to leave, but I know the reason for my delayed departure. So I am okay with it.
Okay, enough menial and unimportant rambles. I promised a little specificity, so here goes. I had an extremely long night Sunday night coming to terms with the way my life had been up to that moment. For the past 2 years I have tried to change, but for the wrong reasons. Because none of them had ever been for myself. Monday morning when I awoke I realized the necessity to truly want to change for myself. It is with that strong desire that I changed my life from blue to yellow in a matter of hours. Change, of course, is a process and not merely a moment of decision. But without that moment of decision, the process of change can never fully occur. I am priviledged to have had a 2nd chance given to me ten times over. This time, I am determined to see it through.
I will not be returning to BYU-Idaho. In December, after taking an institute class for credit, I will receive my Associates Degree. From there, the educational world is my oyster and I can persue my Bachelor's Degree, which may very well be from BYU-Idaho online or elsewhere, preferably in the Jersey area.
I have no idea what is in store for my life now. Everything I had expected it to be, isn't. Everything I had planned on turning out, won't. But just because things don't go the way I feel they should doesn't mean that they aren't going the right way. I discovered that I get a bit stubborn when it comes to the future. If I foresee something working out contrary to the way I intend it to, I do everything in my power to ensure life unfolds as I see fit. That usually results in catastrophe. And catastrophe it has been, or at least what I endearingly term these past few years.
It is about time I start seeing my life as God intends it to be, not as I intend it to be. And eventually, I hope that we begin to see eye to eye.
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