Everything here is exactly the same, but so different. Well, maybe I am different too. A couple days ago Jared said that everything around you changes as a result of you changing. I've been thinking about that for awhile and I agree with him. Except I don't feel all that different right now.
I recognize the need I had to come back to New Jersey. But after not living at home for 3 years it is a complete change that I don't think I was completely ready for. I am a pretty private person - ironic since I keep an internet blog. But seriously. You haven't met my family. Everything is everybody's business. And drama drama drama.
I feel like I am a burden to everybody here. It is like everything I do here causes somebody some sort of grief or annoyance or anxiety. I have painstakingly ensured that my life never encroaches another, and I have never been a burden to anybody my whole freaking life. I'm not about to start now. I just wish everybody else could recognize that.
Maybe then I wouldn't feel so unwelcome and unwanted here.
Maybe then I could actually refer to this place as home and stop missing a place I never really liked all that much anyway.
Maybe one day I'll actually belong somewhere someday.
Maybe you should just get back already.
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