You close your eyes and kiss your hand, then you blow it.

I am procrastinating cleaning the bathrooms. So I figured there is no time like the present to update my blog. Currently I am eating Ritz Cracker Sandwhiches made with REAL Peanut Butter. They are a little dry and sticking to the roof of my mouth. But since I haven't eaten these in like 17 years, I thought I'd try them. Anyways.

I am in New Jersey. Yes, I know most everybody thought I would actually never move back since I kept delaying my arrival here. I know I half expected to not move back myself. But alas, here I am. Sitting in the same computer chair I used to sit in when I was in 7th grade. And typing in a blog somewhat like I used to type in when I was in 7th grade. Weird.

A lot of really weird things happened before I left Idaho. Well, maybe not weird. But all in all, I am glad I got to spend a couple extra days with my friends. It is really weird to be here in New Jersey again. Everybody has practically left for college again. Life resumes, life goes on. I said weird alot in this paragraph, probably more than I have said that word in my life. Now I am singing the song Weird by Hanson. I love Hanson. But I digress!

I saw fireflies outside last night. I absolutely LOVE fireflies. And I love my back yard. I am much more appreciative of nature after living in Idaho. I can't wait till I find a car here so I can drive to the beach at night. If I had to pick a scene to live in for the rest of my life it would be the beach at midnight. I could stay there forever.

I should probably unpack. I have lived out of a suitcase since almost April. That is a really long time to not hang clothes in a closet. I think the main reason I don't want to unpack my clothes here is because that means it is permanent. And I know that, but it hasn't really sunk in that much that I am not leaving in a couple weeks to return to Idaho. For being such a big advocate of change, I am greatly opposed to it recently. I think for the most part it isn't the fact that I am changing. It is more the fact that while I change nothing stays the same.

Usually when change has taken place it is my very firm decision to change things to the way I want them to change and to ensure that this change takes place according to my specifications. I believe I may have mentioned this before. But as we all know that know me well, I have not done that fabulous of a job bending my life to my will. And so it is out of my hands. And that is scary for me. Because in case none of you have noticed, I am kind of a control freak. And really prideful. And so to keep my pride I've controlled change. And now there is no sense of control really left. Wow, this is a confusing paragraph. Then again, my life is kind of confusing right now.

I give it 6 months. I'm a stickler for timelines. And 6 months is all I've got. There is so much that has pointed to where I am supposed to be. And so I see where I am right now and what it is going to take to get there. And it will happen.

So here's to a new life. Here's to not making it fit the mold of my old life. Here's to good memories and good friends. Here's to family and much needed support. Here's to change, no matter how scary. Here's to learning and growing. And here's to being better than yesterday and leaving room for improvement for tomorrow. Here's to life, with all the obstacles it throws in the way. And here's to overcoming them and waking up each morning with the determination to do so. Here's to love, as crazy and complicated as it may be. Here's to you: for being there for me always. And finally, here's to me; I can do this.