Fresh.
I am terrible at keeping a diary. And often lose touch with my blogs after a few weeks. I hope this one continues past all my abandoned attempts at writing down my life. Either way, today I am excited about it.
My sleeping habits are out of whack. I blame the drive back to Virginia. Upon arriving in BV, I felt like the summer was gone. That's probably true to some extent, seeing as I start classes in 2 weeks. I have thought about everything quite a bit, seeing as the drive from Jersey to VA is around 6 hours each way. And since I have been to Jersey and back 3 times in the past month, I have come to terms with my life thus far.
I tend to move, a lot. I can't ever seem to stay in one place very long. Mark said that I never seem to like it anywhere I am, and unfortunately he has a valid point. But I came to the conclusion that I kept moving for all the wrong reasons, and I need to stay somewhere for me. Moving from Idaho to NJ was the first time I actually uprooted and left for myself. So last summer I was on track. The move to Arizona of course was a mistake - a move never for myself and with motives completely displaced. The move here to Virginia from Arizona is turning out to be for me, but not in the way I wanted.
Ultimately, I don't like it here. It is very small. Much like a mini BYU-Idaho. So I went from one to the other with very little change besides a considerable downsize. I think for the most part I just feel small here. And I recognized that when I went home to NJ and didn't feel small. It's ironic because at the same time I feel very big. Because everybody looks at me like an oddity.
Perhaps I just keep looking for a place to belong, to call home. And if it's true - if home is where your heart is, it's no wonder I feel so lost. I've been looking for my heartrecently for as long as I can remember.
I want somebody to know me. More importantly I want to know me. For the most part, the latter is coming along. Sometimes it just gets terribly exhausting living just for yourself.
Fresh. I like it.
My sleeping habits are out of whack. I blame the drive back to Virginia. Upon arriving in BV, I felt like the summer was gone. That's probably true to some extent, seeing as I start classes in 2 weeks. I have thought about everything quite a bit, seeing as the drive from Jersey to VA is around 6 hours each way. And since I have been to Jersey and back 3 times in the past month, I have come to terms with my life thus far.
I tend to move, a lot. I can't ever seem to stay in one place very long. Mark said that I never seem to like it anywhere I am, and unfortunately he has a valid point. But I came to the conclusion that I kept moving for all the wrong reasons, and I need to stay somewhere for me. Moving from Idaho to NJ was the first time I actually uprooted and left for myself. So last summer I was on track. The move to Arizona of course was a mistake - a move never for myself and with motives completely displaced. The move here to Virginia from Arizona is turning out to be for me, but not in the way I wanted.
Ultimately, I don't like it here. It is very small. Much like a mini BYU-Idaho. So I went from one to the other with very little change besides a considerable downsize. I think for the most part I just feel small here. And I recognized that when I went home to NJ and didn't feel small. It's ironic because at the same time I feel very big. Because everybody looks at me like an oddity.
Perhaps I just keep looking for a place to belong, to call home. And if it's true - if home is where your heart is, it's no wonder I feel so lost. I've been looking for my heart
I want somebody to know me. More importantly I want to know me. For the most part, the latter is coming along. Sometimes it just gets terribly exhausting living just for yourself.
Fresh. I like it.
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