Day 1.

Today marks the appearance of a proverbial light at the end of the tunnel for me. After a long and tiresome stint as a less-than-great person (try around 6 years), I finally have a date of achievement set and a goal to work towards. For too long I felt bogged down in the mess that was my life without ever finding any relief. It seemed like one long entanglement after the other, with no change or even the slightest hope of change. The thing I realized is that I didn't have the faith in myself to change. Nor did I have the desire. Those are two very important ingredients to live. Because what I was doing wasn't living. It was being. And I knew I deserved more than that.

So here I am. And while I feel like I am cheating the system somewhat, I know this is how it is supposed to be. And I have this hope that I haven't had in such a long time. And things seem to be working out in ways I didn't think they would. I am incredibly blessed and grateful. Seriously. The whole time sitting there all I could think about was how grateful I am. I thought I had messed everything up beyond belief and repair. Turns out, I did mess everything up. But not beyond repair.

School is going well. Except I have a thousand word essay due by 3pm that I haven't officially begun. And a Spanish project due at 10am that I haven't done because I don't have a partner to do it. Which is funny considering it is a partner project. Go figure that one. Oh, and I don't have the number/really know anybody in my class that I could have called last minute to link up with. Hahaha. So I'll wing it. ::Crosses fingers::

In other big news (haha), which shouldn't surprise anybody, I cut my hair. I change my hair frequently, I'm not sure why. But I was growing it out because I missed my long and flowing locks and it made it to about the shoulders. And then I got all frenzied over some photo I found online late Thursday night, called the salon, and chopped it off the next day. About 6 inches. Overall I've gotten a pretty positive reaction. Clearly that boosts the self-esteem.

This weekend it SNOWED. I can't tell if I like the snow or hate it. I know I should have an opinion of it, but I don't really. Friday night I cancelled my plans with Robin and Baden due to weird circumstances surrounding my car, the missionaries, and the impending snowfall. I went to hang out with Adam that night - which was fun because he makes me laugh. Fundamentally, I think he is a very good person and highly entertaining. I think he thinks I am a mean person that doesn't really like him. But I sincerely do. I consider him a very good friend. I should just be nicer, I guess.

Saturday I trekked for an hour out in the snow to go to the post office in Lexington because BV's is handicapped and apparently closes on Friday. My car does not fair well in the snow. In other news, I went over to Neely's because she and Brinley wanted to see my hair. It's always interesting over there. I can't tell if she and I aren't close friends anymore because we don't want to be close friends, or if we aren't close because that's just the way it is. Either way, we both make excuses and nothing changes. And that's another story for another time.

The best part of Saturday was Nate. I haven't seen him in OVER A MONTH! AH! I secretly love him. Ha, okay. I openly admit I love him and think he is one of the funniest people I have ever met. We walked in the snow down to Alexander's (his family owns it, so even though it was closed, he had a key!) and got hot cider and sat and chatted. I would complain about walking halfway across town in the snow at night, but it was seriously peaceful to be out there and just having fun with him. We were such creepers walking home, but it seriously was one of my favorite nights of this year. Granted it is only 2 months in, but still.

In other news, the new missionaries are growing on me. I thought Anderson was a total Utard with a judgment complex. Turns out he's just a little harder to get to know. Tonight though, I think he finally realized I am not an apostate hooker, and that I do have faith and want to keep doing the right thing. And also that I am hysterically funny. Hahaha. Anyways.

Well, time to prioritize. I am going to do something for my Spanish project and then go to bed. My 2 hour break between classes later today will provide for ample time to write this paper...1000 words is what, 2 pages? Done and done.

Love.