Was I On Your Mind?

I have a feeling my blogging is going to get out of control. Meaning, I am going to become addicted to talking about myself and my feelings. Meaning, I will be more selfish than I already am now. Except I am not very selfish at all to be honest. Except sometimes. Okay, but really, who isn't that selfish (and still in college)?
Anyways.

I should probably go to bed.
I should also more intensly contemplate the decisions I am making in my life.
Going out with Neely and her comp tonight really gave me perspective into what I have in my life. Seriously. I am like one of the luckiest people I know.

I rarely think about my past decisions in a negative way, because I feel like it is pointless to brood over things you cannot change. And rarely do I look back at my life with regret. But when I was sitting there tonight listening to them teach investigators, I couldn't help but feel this pang inside about how that could be me changing people's lives. I could have been out for almost 6 months now. I know alot of people didn't think I would ever go on a mission. But I really wanted to. And I definitely wish I hadn't made the dumb decisions I did in my past. Things would have meant so much more to me now had I never done certain things back then.

I used to think had I never experienced what I term "those years" that I would never have gotten to where I am now. Looking back, had I just been stronger, I would definitely have surpassed where I am at now. I could be so much more. And if it hadn't been for Neely, I doubt I would have reached this point. And if it hadn't been especially for my mom and her constant understanding, I wouldn't have wanted to figure out my life. And had it not been for Alene and her husband taking me in and encouraging me to go to BYU-Idaho, I wouldn't have found out who I am supposed to be. Three miraculous women. I owe them so much more than I could ever say.

With all this gratitude, I am going to head to bed.
I am not sure if any of them know about or even read this silly blog.
But if by chance one day they do, thank you from the bottom of my heart.