Begin again.

I said a prayer this morning for the first time in awhile and inadvertently ended up realizing I'm a little angry at God. And I shouldn't be, and I recognize my anger is misplaced. So I asked for something to help me change. I went about my business as usual. And around 3:30 received a text from Dele telling me that we are going to the Christmas devotional. So we went. The messages tonight were simple and reminded me of the feelings I had while reading the New Testament - feelings I've lost over these past few months. It also reminded me of all the reasons I typically love Christmas so much: it gives hope, it reinforces love, it resonates charity. Somehow, I've been so focused on me and the direction my life has gone that I've lost touch a bit with those things. So tonight was a good reminder. 

It was also a great reminder of other things for me. I probably can't adequately put into words my thoughts on timing and people and why things happen the way they do. This entire year has really thrown me for a loop. And my life is so different now. I've spent enough time trying to determine the way it should be that I'm trying now to embrace the way it is. The truth is, though, that reconciliation between those two is blurry, at best. But for tonight, that's completely ok.