5 honest things:

I am still mad that I got hurt. And I'm more mad that I've spent 5 months examining ways that it was my fault that it happened or ways I could have prevented it. And I am tired of replaying the scenario over and over in my head. And having it flashback when I don't want it to. When I least expect it. When I can't stop it. It haunts me. And hurts me. And it terrifies me.

It is hard to know who I am anymore. 

I genuinely feel like I have wasted the last 5 years of my life now that I can't teach here after June.  

I really miss Amy. And most days refuse to really process that she is really gone. I tend to avoid thinking about it or I become upset. I loved her so much. 

I wish things were different with pretty much everything. All the time.