Answered Prayers.

I received a blessing from my mom's bishop today. It was a wonderful feeling to be reminded of God's love for me, which was reiterated multiple times throughout the blessing. I was also promised that the effects if this concussion would be physically healed and that my doctors could know and be guided to the proper treatments to make that happen. I was promised that my life was meant to have joy, that I would have to wisdom to make the decisions for my future, and that I will be able to do so with clarity. Anything I am not supposed to pursue, I will have a stupor of thought about. This reiterates to me that God does know me and the words of this blessing truly came from him and not just the bishop, because this is how he has always helped me make decisions, and I just met the bishop today. 

He also mentioned being specifically physically surrounded by angels in my times of trials. It seemed a little odd for him to say that to me and I simultaneously thought of Amy when he did. And then immediately of Jamie. And sitting here now I think of my Grandfathers. But about a week ago, in the middle of the night, I was praying to know that Amy was OK. I felt stupid saying the prayer. But I wanted her to know how sorry I was that I didn't share the gospel with her before she died. I didn't want her to be scared or lost. And I know that sounds silly. But I don't know what death is like. And I wanted her to be OK. So I prayed and asked God to please let me know that she was OK. And today, this answer helped me know she is. That there is life after death. Life has a purpose. 

I've felt impressed for the past few days to pray for the people who are my enemies. The verse from the scriptures keeps popping in my mind says something like, pray for those who despitefully use you. I did this morning. I don't feel differently towards the people who are doing me wrong. But that doesn't mean that I won't eventually.

I remember how angry and betrayed I felt toward my father when I found out he married my stepmother without telling me she even existed. I chose to hate him, but that didn't make me feel better. I decided not having a relationship with him would teach him a lesson and make him sorry for his actions. But it only made me feel worse. So I chose to forgive him. And I put in effort to let them both in. Our relationship is not perfect. But it is much better than bitter. It didn't take a day. It took a year, but I don't have a lot of resentment in my life towards him because the truth is that it is easier to forgive than to hate. Hating takes a lot of work and space in your heart. It eventually corrodes away goodness. I don't want that. 

So if praying for my enemies is going to make this feeling subside the way it did when I chose to let go of what my Dad did, great. Because that's what we are taught to do, right? Forgive. And maybe that's what I am supposed to learn from this entire ordeal and what I've experienced over the past 5 months. I'm not sure yet.